Riza Hawkeye: The Flame's Flame
by Bunun224
Summary: A slightly perverted love story guarunteed to make you say both Eww! and Aww! Or at least think them...
1. Money, Lies, Bets, and MiniSkirts

"A slightly perverted love story guarunteed to make you say both 'eww' and 'aww' (or at least think them...)"

Hiya! Just a little overveiw of this story real quick... I have a lot, and I mean _a lot_, of auothor's notes in this story. I don't know why.. The main pairing in thise story is RoyxRiza, in case you didn't figure that out already... I also kinda pair up Ed and Winry, even though I don't think they're supposed to be together (Read the mangas), but I'll get back to that in a later chapter. Those are the only couplings in this story no matter what it seems like. Adding a third on would confuse me too much. There are no "main characters" in this though. That may sound confusing, but _I_ think I wrote the character transitions fairly smoothly. (And I write for me, so feel free to bash the story as much as you like.) There's a _little_ bit of playful Ed-bashing in this, just 'cause I couldn't resist., and, of course, Ed bashes Mustang, but that's nothing you wouldn't see in the anime or manga, so really, nothing new. Havoc gets a couple death-threats and food dumped on him, but other than that, no one gets hurt! Isn't that nice? And the names and military positions were talken from the manga, not the anime, so if they don't match up, I'm sorry. There's a lot different between the two and it would confuse me too much to try and mix them. Well, anyway, I hope you enjoy my very first Fullmetal Alchemist FanFiction!

Amber (The author, duh.)

* * *

**Chapther One: Money, Lies, Bets, and Mini-Skirts  
(Sub-titled: "It's a Man's World")  
**  
Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, and Second Lieutenants Haymans Breda and Jean Havoc were lounging around, avoiding work as usual when everyone's favorite Lieutenant, Riza Hawkeye, walked by. As soon as she was out of earshot, it began. 

"Was it just me, or was she wearing more makeup than usual?" Fuery pondered.

"Lietenant Hawkeye wears makeup?" Breda asked, "I didn't think she'd have the time or reason for it."

"Whether or not she usually does, she's definitely wearing makeup today," Havoc commented, "But nevermind that, did you see that mini-skirt!?"

"MINI-SKIRT!? WHERE!?" Fuery and Breda ran to the door to look down the hall after Riza. Much to their dissapointment, by the time they had gotten there, Hawkeye was just entering Colonel Roy Mustang's office. Fuery and Breda's jaws dropped nearly to the floor. Luietenant Havoc pulled them back into the room by their collars and sat them down again as everyone tried to make sense of it all.

"Do you think Mustang got promoted?" Fuery asked, "He did want to establish mini-skirts as the dress code for all female officers."

"No way he could have gotten promoted to Fuhrer President so fast, especially without us noticing," Breda pointed out, "Plus, that doesn't explain the makeup."

As if on some sort of cue to prove Fuery wrong, Second Lieutenant Maria Ross walked past the room, not wearing a mini-skirt.

"HMM..." Havoc, Breda, and Fuery chorused, and they plunged deep into thought.

At that moment, Edwardd and Alphonse Elric were walking past the room on their way to file a report with Mustang. Al stopped at the door and Ed turned around to look in.

"I've never seen you guys thinking so hard in my life," Ed commented, "Someone getting fired?"

"Edward! Alphonse!" Fuery greeted them, "On your way to see Mustang?"

Ed nodded, "What's goin' on here? It's not like you guys to actually work."

"Have you seen Lieutenant Hawkeye today?" Breda asked.

"No, we haven't," Al answered, "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Not quite..." Havoc told them.

"Valentine's Day," Falman suddenly said. He has been silent up until now and he had almost been forgotten. Falman stood up and took the callendar behind Fuery's head down. As he threw it on the table, everyone noticed it was set to February.

Fuery began, "But this callendar hasn't been changed in--"

"-- A year, "Falman finished for him, "Exactly on year." He pinned up a new callendar to replace the old one and set it to the proper month. Still February.

"Even so, I don't think the Lieutenant would go through so much trouble for a date," Breda said.

"Heck, if she's that desperate, I'll take her out!" Havoc smurked.

"Yeah right! I bet your idea of a 'date' is going to some bar and drinking your brains out!" Ed said. he may not have known exactly what was going on, but the boy still had a sharp tounge.

"Hey, man! Don't crush my hopes and dreams!" Havoc grinned.

"Besides, I don't think Lieutenant hawkeye would want just any date." Al inturrupted.

"Kid's got a point," Falman agreed.

"Everyone knows she's got a thing for Mustang," Ed pointed out, "Although why she likes his pomoous mug, I'll never know.."

"So why doesn't he ask her out already?" Fuery wondered aloud, "He's got a thing for her too, right?"

"Yeah, but after seeing her today, it can't be long now," Breda answered.

"How about you guys tell us what's going non?" Ed suggested, pulling up a chair. Al pulled up a chair beside his brother and the two sat down.

Havoc recalled that morning's events to the brothers and told them of the explianations they had ruled out and why.

"Interesting," Ed commented, "So how long do you think it'll take Mustang to ask her out?"

"She's been in his office about half an hour now," Falman noted.

"I'd give him another 30 minutes," Havoc said, tossing a ten dollar bill on the table, opening the topic for bets.

"I give him until tomorrow evening," Falman threw in his ten dollars, eager to try and earn any extra cash.

"I say he already asked her out at least two days ago, and the mini-skirt and makeup is Hawkeye's way of thanking him," Breda added ten more dollars to the pile.

"What do you think, Al?" Ed asked.

"I'm not betting on someone else's love life!" Fuery inturrupted, "Especially not my superiors'!"

"We could bet on your love life instead," Havoc challenged.

"I bet he doesn't get a girlfriend for three years!" Breda chimed in.

"Hey, guys! That's not funny!" Fuery protested.

"Yeah, you've gotta give him more time than that!" Falman said.

While Breda, Falman, and Havoc tried to convince/blackmain Fuery into betting, Ed and Al discussed their own bets.

"Neither of them is prone to rushing into things," Al was saying.

"Yeah," Ed agreed, "And Mustang always puts things off until the last minute."

"So, what do you say?" Al asked.

"Either the day before Valentine's Day or that morning..." Ed pondered.

"You bet Valentine's Day, I bet the day before?" Al offered.

"We split the money either way," Ed agreed.

They each placed their bet and convinced Fuery to dish out some cash too. Fuery gave Roy a solid week.

"What's this all about?" Sergeant Denny Brosh entered the room and spotted the small pile of money, which now contained sixty dollars, "You guys savin' up for something?"

"We're placing bets on when Mustang's gonna ask Lieutenant Hawkeye out," Ed explained, "Either you're in oor you keep your mouth shut."

"I'm in," Brosh sat down, "Any deadline?"

"Valentien's Day," Breda answered.

"That's not too far off!" Breda exclaimed, "Hardly enough time to bet!"

"Better pick a day fast then," Havoc told him.

"Three days before," Brosh added ten more dollars to the pile.

"Where are we going to keep all this money?" Al asked. Immediately, all eyes were on him. "Oh, no..."

"Oh, yes," Ed smirked.

"This is the first time anyone's treated me like a piggy bank..." Al complained as Ed piled the money into him.

"All set," Ed said, closing Al's armor-- Er.. Body, "And your betting time's up Havoc. I'm gonna go file my report now. I'll see if I can find anything out about Mustang and the Lieutenant while I'm at it."

Ed entered Mustang's office just as Riza was leaving. Ed saw what the others meant by going all out, but he could see no signs of her actually going out with anyone. He entered Mustang's office.

Deciding to get right to the point, Ed asked "Colonel, what are your plans for next weekend?"

"Fullmetal," Mustang said flatly, "Are you hitting on me!?"

Ed sighed and sat down, "No, it's just that Lieutenant Hawkeye was in here a long time and--"

"My relationship with Lieutenant Hawkeye is strictly bussiness," Mustang cut him off, "And it's _our _bussiness, so I suggest you stay out of it." He took Ed's writetn report from him and began to read over it.

"Fine, fine," Ed agreed, "It's just that the Lieutenant's all dressed up nice today and with Valentine's Day coming up..."

"That's enough Fullmetal!" Mustang warned.

"Ooh, touchy subject is it?" If Ed couldn't get him out of him by asking, he's have to aggrivated it out.

But with that, Mustang promptly kicked Ed out of his offic. Well, more like Ed ran for his life as Mustang prepared to snap his fingers.

Ed walked back to the room where everyone was waiting and shook his head. "Nothing," He said, sitting down again, "Nearly got myself fried too."

"Maybe someone should talk to the Lieutenant," Al reasoned, "As leat she can't incinerate us."

"No, but she could shoot us," Havoc countered, "And you know she'd do it too."

"We should at least wait until tomorrow," Falman pointed out, "That's when my bet's up anyway."

"Aww, man, I just remembered! We're leaving tomorrow. Right, Al?" Ed ribbed his brother, obviously wanting to walk away with the money.

"Wait a second! You can't walk away with our money!" Breda the psychic.

"Technically it's not your money anymore, Breda," Fuery noted, "You've already lost the bet. So has Luietenant Havoc."

"Either way, they can't leave," Havoc said, "It's still out money 'till V-Day, just in case Mustang doesn't ask the Lieutenant out."

"What's the matter? Don't you trust us?" Ed pouted. He tried to put on his best "innocent face", but it was difficult with dollar signs in his eyes. Besides that, no one was ready to trust two teenage boys with $70 cash.

"You'll just have to stay in town until the bet's closed," Falman told the brothers. Ed groaned.

"But that's 13 whole days!" Al argued.

"Forget it, Al," Ed gave in, "We're not getting out of this one." He stood up, "Come on, let's go find a place to stay." Al stood up and followed his brother out the door.

"Now what?" Breda asked.

"I don't know, but I'm bored," Havoc complained.

"I still don't think this is right you guysm" Fuery said, "I mean, what do we do if they find out?"

"How bad could it get?" Brosh asked. Everyone had almost forgotten he was in the room, but a moment later, he really wasn't. "Let me know if you find out anything!" Brosh called as he walked down the hall.

"Find out anything about what?" Riza asked. She was filing papers in the criminal records room as Brosh walked by.

"Err..." Brosh stammered.

"sergeant Brosh has left the building," Havoc said as soon as he thought Brosh was gone.

"In multiple ways," Breda joked.

"Ha ha," Fuery laughed, "But, seriously, what will we do if the Colonel and the Lieutenant find out?"

"Easy, we play dumb," Falman told him, "It's' worked before."

"But I don't think everyone was entirely playing that time," Breda said.

What "time" he wsa talking about, no one knew, but they knew one thing: They were bored. Again. Meanwhile, Sergeant Brosh was in a very akward position. (Mind out of the gutter. Is it out? You sure? Good. Continuing...)

"Err... That is... Um... Sir-- I mean Ma'am! Uhh..." Brosh stumbled over his words.

"Yes, Sergeant?" Riza asked.

"There's a... Bet going around," Brosh muttered.

"A bet about what?" Riza pressed.

"Err... Valentine's Day?" Brosh struggled to be a vauge as possible.

"What about it?" Riza decided this was worth a break in filing and set down her papers.

"Well, you see, we're betting on, err..." Brosh calmed down as he suddenly thought of a cover-up. "We're betting on how many dates Edward Elric is going to get!" He said clearly.

"And does Edward know about this?" Riza changed her mind, deciding this was a waste of time and continued filing.

"Yes, he's betting too!" Brosh lied.

"Quite confident, isn't he?" Mustang suddenly appeared in the doorway with more papers to file.

Brosh, for lack of better words, freaked out. He had to steady himself with one hand on the table and one hand on... What was his hand on..? Uh-oh. Sergeant Brosh ducked to avoid the gunfire he thought was coming. He has accidentally groped Riza. Riza had pulled out her gun on Brosh, but when he ducked, it was pointed at Roy. Roy had also decided Brosh needed to to die and prepared to snap his fingers. The papers he had brought for Riza to file scattered everywhere. Riza suddenly looked embarassed as the unfiled paperwork cascaded to the floor and lowered her gun, and Roy relaxed his hand. Brosh stood up.

"I'd say 'sorry', but that seems a bit redundant right now," Brosh said.

"Say it anyway," Roy threatened, preparing to snap again.

"Eep! Sorry Ma'am!" Brosh appologized and promptly ran away.

"Are you okay?" Mustang asked the Lieutenant as he began to collect up the papers.

"I'm fine, Sir, but you didn't have to do that," Riza put her gun away and continued filing.

Roy smiled and shrugged. Riza didn't see it, but he was blushing.

Sergeant Brosh decided to return to Falman, Fuery, Breda, and Havoc with the information of the recent events. He arrived at the room out of breath and sat down panting. There was silence in the room except for Brosh's heavy breathing. Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye could be heard talking down the hall.

"Lieutenant, could I talk to you for a minute?..."

"Of course, Sir..."

The sound of a door closing could be heard and everyone's jaws dropped except Brosh's, since he could still hardly breathe.

"What did you do!?" Fuery asked.

"I win!" Falman triumphantly punched the air.

"Not yet you don't! We need proof!" Breda said.

"Someone should go listen to what they're talking about," Havoc proposed. Everyone looked at Brosh, who shook his head.

"Eavesdropping?" Fuery was appaller, "That's crossing the line!"

Havoc shrugged, "I'll go." He stood up, "I've already lost the bet anyway." He walked down the hallway and put his ear to the door of the criminal records room.

"You did say you wanted all felamle personell to wear tiny mini-skirts..." (See The Abitious Alchemist, books 3-4, or Episode 13, Fullmetal vs. Flame, disk 4.)

"I was half-joking... Okay, maybe only a quarter-joking..."

"So you were at least half-serious?... Just thought I'd give you an idea of what it'd be like..."

"Well, so far I'm liking it..."

Havoc heard footsteps within the room and decided it was time to leave. As he turned to go, he nearly ran into Second Lieutenant Maria Ross, who was looking very stern. She demanded an explaination. Havoc had no choice but to lie of course. He claimed that he was dating Lieutenant Hawkeye and suspected he was cheating on him with Mustang. Maria Ross pretended to buy it and claimed she'd stay out of it, but she knew in the back of her mind she'd bring the subject up to Riza later.

Havoc went back to the room where everyone was waiting and Sergeant Brosh finally caught his breath.

"It seems Sergeant brosh here has started an interesting rumor," Falman explained.

Havoc sat down, "Well, so have I."

Brosh re-explained everything to Havoc who then told them all of both the conversation between Roy and Riza and the conversation between himself and Lieutenant Ross.

"I want out of this," Fuery stated, "It's getting too complicated."

"You've already put your bet in, it's too late now," Breda said.

"Not to mention our money's litterally walked off," Havoc noted.

"Keep the money the, but count me out," And with that, Master Sergeant Fuery recalled his bet.

* * *

So let's recap, shall we?

1. Lieutenant Hawkeye came to work in a mini-skirt.

2. There's a bet going around abour how long it'll take Mustand to ask her out.

3. Al has turned into a piggy bank.

4. There's a rumor about a bet about how many dates Ed will have for Valentine's Day. And

5. There's a rumor about Second Lieutenant Havoc and Lieutenant Hawkey dating.

What could possibly go wrong!? (And by that, I mean, "What could possible go wrong that hasn't already gone wrong?".)


	2. Dates and Death Threats

Of course you know when someone says "What could go wrong?" or "How bad could it get?", things will go horribly, horribly wrong...  
(And on a side note, I have discovered that I _really_ hate typing the word "Lieutenant", and sometimes instead of typing "Breda", I type "Bread"... Also, I've decided that the first time I mention someone's name in a chapter, it will be their full name and title. Just to avoid any possible confusion. And I appologize from the bottom of my heart for any spelling/grammar mistakes. This is hard to believe, but I have _no_ spell-checker _anywhere_ on my computer.)  
And one more thing: In the back of the Fullmetal Alchemist manga volume 13, the author says that, in the world of FMA, there are no holidays such as Christmas or Valentiens Day. She says, "Christianity doesn't exists and there are no conspiracies dreamed up by chocolate companies."

* * *

**Chapter Two: Dates and Death Threats**

By noon the next day, the two rumors and one true bet had spread through the military office faster than news of a serial killer. Except now, there really was a bet on how many dates Ed would get. The maximum bet at the time was 15. (In case you're wondering.) Of course Mustang and Hawkeye has heard of all three goings-on, but decided to remain proffesional and ignore them. For the most part that is.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye," Colonel Roy Mustang greeted the Lieutenant as she entered his office.

"Sir," Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye greeted him and nodded.

"I'm sure you've heard?" Mustang began.

"The rumors?" Riza asked.

"Yes," Mustang confirmed.

"Which ones?" Riza's statement caught Mustang off-guard, this may take a turn toward the akward side.

"The... The ones concerning you," Mustang was of course refferring to the bet and the rumor that Riza had been dating Second Lieutenant Havoc.

"Of course, Sir, but they're only rumors," Riza immediately denied even thinking of dating Havoc.

"Of course," Mustang agreed as a slight wave of releife washed over him.

"What about you, Sir?" Riza knew there were more rumors being circulated.

"Hmm?" Mustang had thought the conversation was over and had started looking over one of his piles of paperwork.

"The rumors concerning you," Riza had figured Mustang knew.

"There's more than one?" Apparently he didn't know.

"Yes, Sir. Besides the bet, word has it you either asked out Second Lieutenant Ross or... Edward Elric.. Sir," It sounded almost too weird to say.

"Of course both are untrue. I only have eyes for one," Mustang was deeply disturbed by Riza's last statement.

"And who might that be, Sir? If you don't mind my asking..." Riza's curiosity got the best of her.

The Colonel remained silent for a moment, pretended to be looking over paperwork, before changing the subject, "What do you make of this bet?" He pulled out a pocket callendar and looked over it. It had names, ammounts of money, and times scribbled in every day until Valentine's day. "Riza Mustang Bets" was written across the top ov the month over "February".

"I am unaware of all the details, Sir," Riza said, moving closer to Mustang in an attempt to look over his shoulder, "All I know is that is concerns you and Valentine's Day."

Mustang handed Riza the callendar and both fell silent.

"We have to put an end to this," Mustang finally said, "This is no way for supposedly proffesional men and women to act."

"Yes, Sir," Riza agreed, "But, how do you propose we do that?"

Meanwhile, Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Sergeant Denny Brosh, and Second Lieutenants Jean Havoc and heymans Breda were in a panic. One of them (no one's pointing fingers -coughcoughHavoc-) had lost the pocket callendar in which the bets were being kept track of.

"I can't believe you lost it!!" Breda screamed. So much for not pointing fingers.

"Me!? I told you to keep it!" havoc said.

"Would you both shut up and _look_!?" Falman ordered.

The search began in the room where the rumors originated and had expanded into the hallway. The four men dug through trash cans, flipped through files, and checked under every desk and chair in sight.

"Looking for something?" Roy and Riza were standing above Havoc, who was crawling under a table. Roy was holding the coveted pocket book in his left hand and Riza's waist in his right arm. He tossed the pocket callendar in Havoc's face and shot him a look that said "Go ahead. Look up her skirt. _I dare you._" For Riza was, much to Mustang's delight, wearing a mini-skirt again.

Havoc mentally refused Roy's dare and stood up, "You didn't, umm... Read it... Did you, sir?"

"I would never dream of looking into someone else's personal life," Roy said coldly, and with that, he and the Lieutenant headed back to his office.

Again, jaws dropped to the floor at seeing Hawkeye and Mustang acting so... Un-proffesional. Havoc turned the pocket callendar over and looked at the front. The words "YOU'RE DEAD" were written on the front in red in such a way that, at first glance, it almost looked like blood. Havoc sighed in reliefe that Mustang hadn't written that over the pages with bets on them. The three other men crowded around Havoc as he opened the callendar to check on their records.

"NOOO!!" Tears flowed down the men's faces as they caught sight of their precious pages. Mustang had carefully burned each page of February just enough that it was un-readable. Every page except one. On the first page, the words "Riza Mustang" could still be seen, but the men didn't seem to notice that. They were too busy mourning the loss of their records. (And, of course they didn't make a back-up.)

"So who won?" Despite dropping out of the bet, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery had still kept up on it and couldn't help but be curious. He had seen Roy and Riza together and assumed it was safe to speak of it again.

Falman pulled himself together, "I won, of course."

"How do you know that?" Breda asked.

"Yeah," Havoc sobbed, "All our bets are fried."

"Because yesterday I said I'd give him until this evening," Falman explained triumphantly, "It's not evening yet, so I win."

"Unless someone bet on an earlier time," Brosh said, "Such as giving Mustang until 3:00 today. It's not 3 yet."

"Does anyone else care that Mustang's going to _kill us_!?" Havoc sobbed. Apparently not.

"Were the bets on Mustang asking the Lieutenant out for Valentine's Day or just asking her out at all?" Fuery asked.

Falman, Brosh, Breda, and Havoc all nearly fell over.

"We didn't even think of that!" Breda cried.

Once they calmed down a bit, Falman sorted it out, "The bet was orignally based on Valentine's Day, but if Mustang asked the Lieutenant to simply date him, it would be assumed they would be going out that day anyway. On the other hand, even if they were dating, I believe Mustang would still ask the Lieutenant out specifically for that day rather than just assume..."

"... So... Is the bet closed or not?" Fuery asked.

"It doeesn't matter!" Havoc sniffled, holding up the charred pocket callendar, "Even if it is still open, we'll never know who won. And either way, we're still all _dead_!"

"Hey, can I see that?" Fuery guestured to the callendar and Havoc handed it to him. Fuery carefully thumbed through the burnt pages until he came to the last page of February. it seemed Mustang had left this page in tact. "Guys, what's this?" Fuery held up the pocket callendar page, which read, "In case you're wondering, I won. -Colonel Roy Mustang  
P.S. I want my money." Roy had gone through the pages before burning them and decided two-thousand dollars wouldn't be a bad ammount of money to have in his pocket.

Brosh sighed, "Let's go find Edward and Alphonse."

As Brosh, Havoc, Breda, and Falman walked through the halls in search of the Elric Brothers, Havoc had another one of his "bright" ideas.

"We should have someone go spy on Colonel Mustang and Lieutenant Hawkeye when they go on a date!" He said.

"What exactly would be the point of that?" Brosh asked.

"I dunno," Havoc shrugged, "Sounds like fun?"

"You must either be _really_ bored or _really_ stupid to come up with this stuff," Breda said, "You got a death wish or somethin'?"

Havoc shrugged again, "Just lookin' for a little entertainment, that's all."

"Okay, no one bother Havoc, he's busy being _stupid_!" Breda said.

Before Havoc could slug Breda in the face, Falman inturrupted, "Even if we did try that, there's a lot of problems. For one, we don't know when, where, or if they'll go out, and how would we spy on them without looking so suspicious? The four of us are either too busy or too stupid to get a date."

Brosh, being one of the busy ones, nodded in agreement.

The four men entered the cafeteria and immediately spotted Ed and Al, an easy enough task. Besides Al's body being obvious (being the giant suit of armor that it is), Edward was the only one in the room _not_ wearing a military uniform (Maybe they don't make them in his size?). Not wanting to look like some gang going to mug the brothers, Falman, Breda, and Brosh elected Havoc to go talk to them.

"Edward! Alphonse!" He greeted the two.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc!" Al bowed his head in respect.

"Mrff?" Edward looked up from his plate of food with a bread roll stuck in his mouth. He sswallowed and smiled, "I'm guessing you have more money for us to hold?"

"Not quite," Havoc held up the pocket callendar so Ed and Al could see Mustang's death threat and then opened it to the charred pages, "We've sorta lost our records."

"So how do you know who won?" Ed asked.

"Mustang says he won," Havoc opened to the page with Mustang's message on it and tossed the pocket callendar onto the table, "And he wants his money."

"How did Mustang win!?" Ed demanded, "He didn't even bet!... Did he!?"

Havoc shrugged, "Beats me." He sat down across from Ed and Al, "But I don't want to be the one to tell him he can't have his money."

"Mustang won because he has Lieutenant Hawkeye now," Al reasoned. (Why is he always the one to figure things out?)

"You're got a point," Havoc agreed, "But who told you they were together?"

"No one," Al pointed to the cafeteria doors where Mustang and Hawkeye has just come through. Mustang had his arm around Hawkeye's waist and she was whispering something in his ear.

"We may be starting more rumors, Sir," She was saying.

Mustang smiled, "That's not on my list of priorities right now."

They walked to a table where Riza sat as Roy went to get foodstuffs. On his way to get the foodstuffs, Mustang paused at Ed, Al, and Havoc's table for a little... Chat.

"Second Lieutenant Havoc. Edward. Alphonse," The colonel greeted them somewhat coldly.

The three gulped, "Sir?"

"I still want my money," He told them.

"We'll get that to you right away, Sir," Havoc said hurriedly.

"I'd expect nothing less," Mustang said as he walked away.

"Sir?" Havoc called him back. He gulped again, "That is... Umm... I mean..."

"I don't have all day, Havoc," Mustang quickly became impatient.

"How didja find the callendar?" Havoc asked.

Mustang laughed, "You'd be surprised what people carelessly dump outside my door." Satisfied with the ending of the conversation, Mustang walked away.

"Outside his... Hey! Someone set us up!" Ed exclaimed.

"Maybe not," Al argued, "Someone could have really accidentally dropped it."

"Hi guys, how's it going?" Master Sergeant Fuery stood at the table with a food tray in his hands (The food tray containted food of course), "Have you seen Mustang and the Lieutenant? Adorable, aren't they?"

"YOU!" Ed raged, standing up and pointing a finger in Fuery's face, "You set us up you spikey-haired little trator!-- Uhh..." The entire cafeteria had heard Ed's outburst and was staring. "Eh, heh, sorry..." Ed shrank back down into his chair.

"Why would I do that?" Fuery asked, "True, I didn't approve of the bet, but, really, how cinical do you think I am?" His question was answered by suspicious glares. "Come on guys--!" Fuery began.

"He really didn't do it," Second Lieutenant Maria Ross defended Fuery. She had suddenly appeared behind Ed and Al.

Ed jumped and spewed juice all over Havoc's face, "Jeeze! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Sorry, Mr. Elric," Ross appologized, "My intentions were not to startle you."

Havoc snatched a napkin off of Ed's food tray and began wiping spit-juice off his face.

"If Master Sergeant Fuery didn't do it, then that means someone else did?" Al pondered.

"So I was right, someone _did_ set us up!" Ed said triumphantly.

"It wasn't Master Sergeant Fuery, that's all I'm saying," Ross concluded as she walked away.

"Ooooh! She's defending Fu-uuuuery!" Havoc teased.

"Stop before you start something else," Ed told him.

"Excuse me," Someone tried to walk past Fuery and bumped into him, causing the contents of his food tray to spill on Havoc's head. Fuery had unfortunately chosen a pretty messy lunch; Spaggetti with sauce, apple sauce, fruit with whipped cream on top, and a hot cup of coffee to drink. All of which was not atop Havoc's head.

Havoc sat still for a moment with his eyes closed for a minute before saying, "Please tell me that didn't just happen..." He opened his eyes, "Aww, man! This is just _not_ my day! Where is that guy!? I'll kill him!" Havoc stood up and called after the man that bumped into Fuery, "Hey, you!"

The man turned around. It was (you guessed it!) Colonel Mustang. Mustang shot a glare at Havoc before turning around, walking away, and sitting down across from Riza who couldn't help laughing.

Havoc sat down again, embarrassed and snatched more napkins off of Ed's food tray.

"I'm gonna... Go get more food..." Fuery said before proceeding to do just that.

There was slience for a moment as Havoc wiped his face and hair, and Edward and Alphonse tried, unsuccessfully, tried to stiffle their laughter.

"Would the two of you stop laughing and do something useful!?" Havoc asked.

Al giggled and volunteered, "I'll go get you some napkins." He stood up and there was a loud click before two-thousand dollars came spewing out of Al's knee. There was super silence. Mustang stood up and approached the money. He folded his arms across his chest.

Everyone was staring again. Most of them knew what it was, but they just didn't expect to be seeing it all over the cafeteria floor.

Mustang sighed, "I guess it can't be helped." Be began picking up the bills one by one. After getting over the initial shock off seeing Mustang do anything more than snap his fingers, everyone eventually went back to doing whatever it was they were doing (probably eating). Once Mustang had collected the money into a neat pile, he held an empty hand to Ed, who just looked at him, obviously confused. "I need something to hold this moeny together," Mustang explained.

"Oh," Ed reached into his pocket and pulled out an elastic band he used for pulling his hair back. (Ever wonder how many of those he has? And how can he fit _anything_ into his pockets when his pants are so tight..?)

Mustang took the elastic band and wrapped it around his money before putting it in his pocket. "Pleasure diong bussiness with you gentlemen," He said before joining Riza once again.

"I can't believe you took their money," Riza said.

"As far as I'm concerned, it's mine now," Mustang vaugly explained, "If you ask me, I'm the one who one."

"How did you win, Sir?" Riza asked, "You didn't bet, did you?"

"No, I didn't bet," Roy laughed. "I won in a few ways, "He touched Riza's leg with his foot under the table and looked her in the eyes, "Besides, think of it this way: Now I have more money to spend on you."

Riza blushed and looked away, "Sir..."

Roy smiled.

* * *

Now, wasn't that sweet? In an ever so slightly perverted way... I warned you this story would get pervy, but did you listen? Nooo! (Either that or you just don't care...)  
I dunno when I'll be able to update again, but I'll try to make it as soon as possible. In the mean time, reviews are always nice. 


	3. Valentine's Dismay

Sorry about the long wait for this update. There were family issues and drama and-- Yeah, you don't care, you just want the story. I actually don't like this chapter. _At all_. I pretty much borderline hate it. I might even take it out if no one really likes it. As for the whole EdxWinry pairing, I don't like it either. I largely preffer the EdxRose pairing. But I needed to make this longer and more interesting, so here you go. -.-

* * *

**Chapter Three: Valentine's Dismay**

Having successfully won the Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye's heart, Colonel Roy Mustang had asked Riza to go out to dinner with him on Valentine's Day. (Bet you saw _that _coming. And in case you're wondering about the original bet, Master Sergeant Fuery would have won, but he dropped out anyway...) Edward Elric had of course deceded to ask Winry Rockbell to go out to dinner with him that day too. For, you see, Ed had gotten quite a few date offers (what can I say? The boy's hott!), but being unable to say "no" he told them all he was already going to dinner with someone. A few of the now heartbroken girls wanted to know who, so Ed decided to go with someone he already knew.

As luck would have it, the two couples ended up at the same resaraunt. Not on purpose, of course (Bet you saw this coming too), and, of course, they went at the same time. (Ooh, the predictableness.)

This being Valentine's Day, there was a _long_ wait, during which Roy waited patiently for Riza to show up and Ed tried to hide in embarassment as Winry goggled at all the finery. It was, in fact, a very nice place, with high ceilings, large glass chandeliers, big stained glass windows, and even a red carpet outside with velvet rope.

Edward found a place to sit down and buried his face in his hands, wondering why he had chosen here of all places before remembering he had let Winry choose. He made a mental note never to do that again. Ed heard someone sit down next to him and opened his eyes without moving his hands. He saw a military uniform out of the corner of his eye and finding the sight somewhat odd, as he and Winry decided to keep things casual, Ed looked up.

"Mustang!?" Ed stated in bewilderment.

"Elric..." Mustang greeted him flatly.

Ed groaned, "Arg! Could this get any worse!?" Just then, the restaraunt pager in his pocket went off. Ed groaned again, "Winry, our table's ready!" He looked around, "Winry!?" She was nowhere in sight.

"Lost your date, Fullmetal?" Mustang asked.

Ed tensed up, "It's not a date!... What are you doing here anyway!?"

"Same as you, I'm on a date. Except I haven't lost mine," Mustang grinned.

"Oh yeah? Then where is she?" Ed asked, standing up and looking for Winry.

Mustang's grin dissappeared and he stared at his shoes, "She... She hasn't showed up yet..."

"That's nice," Ed said, more involved in finding Winry. He suddenly spotted her talking to a woman in a red dress. "Winry!" He called, fighting his way through the crowd that was waiting for tables and leaving Mustang to stare at his shoes. He put his hand on Winry's shoulder and held up the flashing beeper as she turned around, "Table's ready."

Winry smiled and nodded, "One second." She turned top the woman in the red dress, "Nice talking to you again."

_'Again?'_ Ed thought breifly. As Winry stepped toward him, Edward could see that the woman was Riza Hawkeye. (The predictableness of my own stroy is killing me...)

After Ed has led Winry away, Riza looked lost for a moment, until she saw Roy, still staring at his shoes, feeling rejected.

Roy suddenly found himself starting at a second pair of shoes that were definitely _not_ his own. Red high-heelsed sandals.

"Sir?" Riza greeted him.

Roy looked up and was taken aback for a moment. Riza was wearing a long, lowcut red dress that had a slit from the bottom up to her left knee. A read heart on a gold chain hung around the Liuetenant's neck and she had part of her hair pulled back with the rest down and a few strands framing her face. Roy had expected her to wear her military uniform as he had, but now that he thought of it, that didn't seem like Riza. Roy made a mental note to wear a suit next time... But what if she wore her uniform next time? What if there wasn't even a next time? What if he could only see her at work again? How would he even look at her at work again? Speaking of work, taking the night off could cause some problems... Roy realized he was staring and stood up. (I just _love_ that thought process...)

He cleared his throat, "Lietenant..." Roy found it hard to breathe for some reason and thought it was very obvious he was suddenly nervous.

Riza laughed at Roy calling her "Lieutenant" outside of the office. To be honest, she was a bit dissapointed.

Roy immediately caught what Riza was laughing at and corrected himself, "I mean, er, Riza..." Roy's nerves increased at speaking her name.

Riza blushed and looked away, "Sir..."

Roy placed a hand on Riza's chin and guided her face to look at his. "Call me 'Roy'," He smiled.

Riza blushed even harder, smiled, and inhaled deeply, "Roy..." Riza wasn't all that nervous before, but she definitely was now. Everything was going so fast and yet time seemed to stop. Riza bit her lower lip and looked into the Colonel's eyes. She breifely wondered if they were going to skip dinner and go straight to-- Roy and Riza both came crashing down to earth as the restaraunt pager in Roy's pocket went off. They were both startled and jumped slilghtly before having a slightly uncomfortable laugh about it. Although neither was entirely sure what they were laughing at.

Riza watched as Roy pulled the pager out of his pocket and noticed he wasn't wearing his gloves. She felt guilty for bringing a gun, which was strapped to her thigh, hidden by her dress. She shrugged it off though, figuring Roy had his gloves in his pocket or something, or maybe he brought a gun too. It was a safety issues and Roy's uniform made him stick out more than was neccesary.

"Shall we go?" Roy asked, guesturing toward the man that was going to escort. Riza nodded.

As they walked past the open door, a sudden gust of wind blew Riza's dress to the side and a todler, probably there with his family, grabbed the dress. Riiiip...

_'Please tell me that was a rip in the ozone layer or something...'_ Riza thought before looking down. It had in fact been her dress. The front of it was ripped off about a half-inch above her knees.

The mother of the child who had ripped Riza's dress took the red cloth from her son and handed it to Riza appologetically, "I am so sorry..."

Riza took the cloth in her hands and stared at it, wondering if she had enough time to run out, buy another dress, go home, change, and come back before their table was given away.

"It's okay," Roy managed to find words before Riza did. He slipped an arm around her waist, "You're beautiful." Roy kissed Riza on the cheek before attempting to lead her away once again.

"Wait," Riza said before even taking a step. She stepped away from Roy before reaching down and tearing the back of her dress to match the front. Now instead of having an ankle-length dress, she had a knee-length dress. Riza was sure Roy enjoyed this look more anyway, seeing as it was border-line mini-skirt. She folded the torn cloth over her arm, saying, "Okay, Now we can go."

Roy smiled and placed his hand on Riza's lower back, leading her away.

Meanwhile, Ed was miserable. Winry was talking about the only thing she knew: Automail mechanics. Ed was resting head in the palm of his hand and trying to act interested as Winry explained the intricate circutry that ran through Ed's arm and leg.

Ed yawned, "Is it possible for us to talk about something else?"

"Alright Mr. High-and-Mighty-Alchemist!" Winry said, "But you're going to be sorry when I can't fix your automail and you have to repair it yourself!"

"And yet, I don't care..." Ed replied, "Spare me the lecture, I'm not going to have this junk much longer, y'know."

"Junk!?" Winry raged. Good thing it was loud in the restaurant or this would have been quite a scene. "How can you call automail 'junk'!? It's so beautiful. The smell of the grease, the whirring of the gears. Not to mention you can't live without it right now!"

"Just because I currently need it, doesn't mean it's not junk!" Ed argued, "Just wait until Al and I find the Philosopher's Stone--!"

"There you go about that stone again!" Winry complained.

"It's not just any stone, Winry, it's--" Ed defended.

"'The Philosopher's Stone', yeah, yeah, I know. Sometimes I think you care about that stone more than you care about me!" Winry crossed her arms over her chest, turned her entire body away from Ed, and pouted.

"No..." Ed started, "No, Winry, I don't. I'm sorry it's seems that way, I just..." He sighed and rubbed his forehead. After about a minute of silence between the two, Ed looked up at Winry. She still wasn't even facing him. "Winry?" She didn't even look at him. "Let's get outta here," Ed offered.

"I'm not sure I want to go anywhere with out..." Winry said. (And here comes the part I _really_ don't like.)

Ed sighed again, "We're already out and..." he searched for words to put his next statement mildly, but found none. "And this is a disaster," He admitted. Winry's face softened a bit and she placed a hand on the table. "Let's..." Ed continued, "Let's start the night over... Some place else." He picked up Winry's hand from the table and kissed it lightly, "Please... I'm sorry." Ed lowered his head and started to let Winry's hand go, but she tightened her grip on him. Ed looked up and Winry turned to face him. She stood up, pulling Ed to his feet with her. Ed stood bewildered for a moment before throwing his arms around Winry's waist and holding her close. "Thanks," He whispered. Winry said nothing, but she put her arms around Ed's neck and returned his embrace. Ed pulled back slightly, leaving one arm around Winry's waist, and leading her out of the restaurant.

On their way out, Edward and Winry passed by Roy and Riza and everyone pretended thay didn't know each-other. Roy and Riza were sitting in silence, staring at their hands. They weren't used to seeing each-other outside of work and, needless to say, this was akward.

_'Say something! SAY SOMETHING!'_ Roy was screaming in his head.

Riza gazed over the table for a topic of conversation. _'Fork!'_ She thought, _'No...'_

_'Salt!' _Roy thought, also looking for a topic, _'No...'_

Riza's gaze fell upon Roy's bare hands. It was an odd topic, but it was worth a shot. Certainly better than sitting there in silence. "Sir--" Riza blushed, "Err... Roy..."

"Yes... Riza?" Her name was still a new taste in his mouth, but Roy liked the saound of it.

"Your... Your gloves..." Riza began.

"Does it bother you?" Roy began to reach for the gloves in his pocket.

"No," Riza stopped him, "No, I'm just wondering why?"

Roy fell silent for a moment and contemplated why he hadn't worn his gloves. In a sense, they were weapons, and brining a weapon on a date seemed a bit wrong. Even as the gloves were sitting in Roy's pocket, He felt guilty for bringing them at all. He looked at Riza's hands and smiled. Roy took Riza's hands gently in his own. "This is why, "He said, stroking the back of her hands. Roy suddenly thought of his gloves as small, fabric prisons, keeping him away from Riza's smooth skin. his thoughts were inturrupted though when their waiter came with their food. Roy and Riza let go of each-other's hands and separated, blushing and laughing in embarassment.

While they were picking over their food with little or no interest, Roy and Riza struggled to find conversation topics.

Roy decided to try and find out what he was getting himself into, "Lieuten-- Riza, Have you ever been... Married?"

"Twice, Sir," Riza replied in her best 'serious' tone, which was pretty dang serious.

"Really!?" Roy nearly choked and dropped his fork.

Riza laughed, "Of course not, Sir."

Roy laughed too, "You had me there for a minute. But still, I find that surprizing."

"What do you mean, Sir?" Riza had gone back to calling Roy 'Sir' again.

"I mean I find it somewhat surprising you've never been married," Roy clarified, "You are after all a very beautiful woman with many appealing qualities."

Riza blushed, "Thank you, Sir, but the men I've dated..." She thought back to her past relationships and realized there weren't any. Riza laughed, "The men I've dated didn't exist. This is actually the first date I've ever been on, Sir. I've always been too focused on my work, and before that it was school and training."

Roy nodded, that definitely seemed like Riza to be so serious in her work. "So... How's Black Hayate doing..?" Desperate for conversation , Roy stooped as low as to ask about her dog.

"Fine," Riza's tone became bored.

"Have you... Taken him to obedience classes? Just curious," Roy mentally asked himself if he could get any dumber.

Riza laughed somewhat manicaly, "There's no need for that, you know how strict I am."

Roy thought about the time when Riza first got Black Hayate and laughed too. (See DVD 4, Episode 13, "Fullmetal vs. Flame", or Book 4, "Side Story: Dog of the Military?") The dog had peed on the wall and Riza shot at it with a loaded gun. Good thing she was a good shot, otherwise she could have killed the poor dog. Roy thought about Riza's exceptional aim for a moment. It was one of the things he admired about her. It meant she could take care of herself, that she wasn't weak. Although on the other hand, it meant she didn't need protecting, which could mean she didn't need him.

Roy's thoughts were inturrupted when something touched his leg under the table. He shifted slightly in his seat and a chill ran up his spine as he realized that it was Riza's foot. Whether or not she did it on purpose, Roy didn't care. All he knew was that he suddenly wasn't interested in dinner anymore.

"Riza?" He said, getting used to calling her by her first name, "Would you like to go some place else?"

Riza looked confused, "Like where, Sir?"

Roy laughed, "I told you, we're not at work, call me 'Roy'."

"Old habits die hard... Sir," Riza smiled.

"Well if that's the way you want to play the game, _Lieutenant_,"_ R_oy said, "So what do you say to getting out of here?"

Riza nodded and stood up, taking her pieces of torn dress with her. They went outside and Roy found them a cab. He told the driver an address that sounded familiar to Riza, but should couldn't remember where she had heard it before.

"Where exactly are we going, Sir?" She asked.

Roy smiled playfully, "It's a surprise..."

_'Some first date,'_Riza thought, _'I'm being kidnapped...'_

On the way to Roy's surprise destination, they passed by a movie theater, inside of which Ed and Winry were arguing over what movie to see.

"I wanna see 'Home With a Family Waiting'!" Winry wined.

"Who would wanna see a movie with such a long, boring title!? I wanna see 'The Military Festival'!" Ed argued.

"I don't wanna see some dumb military movie! I wanna watch a love story!" Winry protested.

"You thin kthe military's dumb!? I'll show you dumb!" Ed clapped his hands together and Winry pulled a wrench out of nowhere. (Hey, it's anime/manga, I can make a wrench magically appear out of nowhere if I want to!)

Ed stopped cold, "You brought a wrench... On a date..?"

"You're the one who kept saying it wasn't a date..." Winry reminded him.

"Yeah, but..." Ed sighed and sat down on a bench. Winry sat beside him. "I'm trying my hardest to make this work, I really am," Ed took Winry's hand in his own again, "It's just--"

"I know," Winry finished for him, "I'm nervous too."

The two looked up simultaneously and saw a poster reading "The Mechanics of Alchemy". Ed and Winry glanced at each-other a split second before springing up and running to get tickets.

As Ed and Winry entered the theater, Roy and Riza pulled up to an apartment complex. Riza got out of the car as Roy paid the cab driver.

"Okay... Where are we?" Riza asked with a slight shiver. The temperature was dropping quickly and she could already see her breath.

Roy took off his jacket and draped it around Riza's shoulders, "I told you, it's a surprise."

Riza was instinctively suspicious. She didn't particularly like surprises, but she trusted Roy and he led her to an appartment door. Roy reached into his pocket, pulled out a set of keys, and opened the door.

"Welcome to the bachlor pad," Roy flipped on a light switch and Riza was blinded by how clean it all was, not to mention everything was black and white.

Meanwhile, Ed and Winry stared at a black-and-white screen.

"This sucks," Ed whispered, taking a sip of his soda, "In multiple ways."

"Shush!" Winry told him. She was actually enjoying the movie.

"The Mechanics of Alchemy" turned out to be alove story about a mechanic and an alchemist. (Oh, the irony.)

"I've lost it. I've lost the first flower you gave me!" The actress on the screen sniffled.

"It's no problem," The actor replied. He drew a transmutation circle in the dirt and drew an entire rose bush, "There. Now I'm sure you can't lose this..."

Winry sniffled, "It's so beautiful..."

Ed rested his chin in his hand and blew the hair off his face in an exhasperated sigh. Winry punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" Okay, that hurt!" Ed complained. The coupele in the row ahead of them turned around and glared. Ed lowered is voice, "What was that for?"

"Why can't you ever be like that?" Winry scolded, guesturing to the screen.

Ed rubbed his arm and sulked, "Violent woman..."

They both got shushed by the couple sitting in front of them, and Ed continued to sulk as the kid sitting behind him, the same one from the restaraunt coincidentally, began to kick the back of his seat and pull Ed's hair.

* * *

The movie titles with asterisks() next to them are chapter titles from book three. (I was too lazy to come up with my own.) "A Home With a Family Waiting" is chapter one, and "The military Feestival" is the side story. The corresponding animes are on disks 4 and 5. "A Home With a Family Waiting" is on disk 5, Episode 17, and is re-titled "House of the Waiting Family", and "The Military Festival" is on disk 4, Episode 13, and is re-titled "Fullmetal vs. Flame".

As I said before, if this chapter doesn't get good reviews, I'm probably gonna just take it out, it's not all the neccesary anyway.


	4. Gunfire and Puppy Kisses

Dang, sorry for the delay of this chapter. For some reason FanFiction wasn't sending out the notice that it was up, so I tried deleting the chapter and re-posting it, but something went wrong and the whole thing got deleted and I had to type it all over again. And apparently after a while, FanFiction _did_ send out the notice, but by that time I already had it down. _So_ sorry for the confusion! I needed to fix spelling mistakes anyway...

So, first of all, I'd just like to make one thing clear. It's my story and I say Roy and Riza didn't have sex. So there. Okay, well, they fooled around a little bit, but this is supposed to be a perverted love story not yaoi or hentia, so I'd like it to maintain _some_ air of innocence. And there was another chapter here, but if I put it in, I'd have to up the story's rating to M and I just don't wanna do that. At one point in that chapter, Riza stole Roy's hat and I may bring that into play later. I dunno...

On another note, I am _really_ tired of writing capital "R"s (I try to write all my first drafts by hand), so Roy and Riza will be refferred to as Mustang and Hawkeye probably for the next few chapters. And this has nothing to do with the story, but I have a _huge_ callous on my hand from all this writing. I hope you all appreciate this...

* * *

**Chapter Four: Gunfire and Puppy Kisses**

Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye woke up and turned over to look at Colonel Roy Mustang, but he wasn't there. She lookesd at the clock, which now read "12:00pm". Hawkeye bolted upright. Not only had she overslept, but she had no uniform, a ripped dress, and it seemed at though Mustang had left her to be late alone. She pulled her knees to her chest and thought of what to do. After a moment, Hawkeye realized there were sounds of running water coming from behind a door she previously thought was a closet. Perhaps Mustang hadn't left after all. Hawkeye layed back down and pulled the covers over her head, breifly considering skipping work. She heard something like squeeking knobs in the bathroom and the running water stopped.

Mustang walked out, wrapping a towel around his waist, "Aren't you up yet?"

"Mrf..." Hawkeye replied from under the covers, "Can't I just stay here..?"

Mustang sat down on the bed and pulled the covers off of Hawkeye's face, "As fun as that could be, we already put off work last night, plus we're late, which means even _more_ work."

"But, Sir..." Hawkeye pouted. Once she saw Mustang wasn't buying it, she reached down on the floor for his hat and put it on her head, "Please..?"

Mustang took his hat and put it on his own head, "No means no, Lieutenant. Now, get up." He stood up and went to the closet to get his uniform.

"I don't have my uniform, Sir," Hawkeye informed him.

"I'll drive you home so you can change. In the mean time, you may want to wear this," Mustang tossed a jacket to Hawkeye, who looked down and saw that her dress was in a worse state than it had been the night before. It had a tear all the way up her left leg and the right sleeve was completely missing.

"Wha-- What did you do!?" Hawkeye asked.

"Eh, heh, heh," Mustang bllushed, "Sorry... Hope that wasn't too expensive..."

_'Only $150 down the drain...'_ Hawkeye thought. She sighed and reached down for the strap that had held her gun. After clipping it onto her left thing, where it was painfully obvious, she secured her gun and put on the jacket.

"What was the point of that?" Mustang asked while getting dressed himself.

"Just a reminder that I can hurt you if you decide to rip any mopre dresses," Hawkeye said bitterly, yet with a smile. She stood up and went into the living room to get her shoes

_'Well, someone's in a bad mood,_' Mustang thought. There was suddenly loud, male laughter coming from the living room. _'What the--?' _Mustang pulled on his gloves and began to dash out when he suddenly remembered, _'Havoc...'_ He walked out as calmly and proffesionally as he could, "What seems to be the problem here, Havoc?"

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc was in hysterics on Mustang's couch at the sight of Hawkeye, half-dressed, coming out of Mustang's room. He looked at Mustang and laughed ever harder.

"Um, Sir..." Hawkeye stiffled her own laughter, "Your pants..."

Mustang had forgotten to put pants on, but was wearing every other piece of his uniform, shoes, gloves, hat, and all. Mustang sighed and walked back into his room with whatever was left of his dignity. Havoc continues laughing.

"I've had about enough of you..." Hawkeye pulled out her gun and pointed it at Havoc's head. Havoc couldn't help himself and found it absolutely _halarious_ that Hawkeye had a gun with her. Mustang heard gunfire from down the hall. He cinched up his belt and ran down the hall to where Havoc was cowering behind the couch.

"I'll pay for the holes in your ceiling, Sir," Hawkeye said.

Mustang looked up and saw the three holes Hawkeye has shot in his ceiling, "Err..."

"What's he doing here anyway?" Hawkeye pointed her gun at Havoc again, who ducked further behind the couch.

"Secong Lieutenant Havoc drives me to work in the morning," Mustang explained, "Although why he isn't at work himself at this hour, I don't know."

"I was up late last night! Do you think you're the only one who can get a date!?" Havoc continued cowering, "The door was unlocked, I figured you were still sleeping, and I sat down for a while. Next thing I know, I'm staring down the barrel of Lieutenant Hawkeye's gun! And not in a good way..."

"I've got half a mind to incinerate you, Havoc," Mustang warned, "You're just lucky I don't want to stain my carpet." Hawkeye put away her gun and Havoc stood up, adjusting his shirt and hat and clearing his throat.

Mustang sighed, "Go to work, Havoc. I can drive myself there."

Havoc headed for the door at mental gun-point, "Cya!" Hawkeye sighed, but Mustang couldn't help laughing.

"Come on," He said, putting his arm around Hawkeye's shoulders, "I'll drive you home."

After collecting her things (mostly torn dress pieced), allowing Mustang to drive her home, and changing, Hawkeye realized she had forgotten her place. She looked at herself in her full-length mirror and told herself that Mustang was her boss, her colonel. She couldn't allow herself to forget that, no matter how amazing the night before had been.

Meanwhile, Mustang, in all his boredom, found himself lying on Hawkeye's couch, staring at the ceiling. As his own, Mustang realized, Hawkeye's house was clean and simple. Except it wasn't black and white, it leaned more toward a beige tone with spots and pieces of pale blue. Mustang vaugely wondered how much time Hawkeye really spent at home. He knew she arrived and left the office roughly the same time he did, and there were countless nights neither of them had left at all and stayed all night. Mustang stiffled a lugh as he recalled the time he had fallen asleep at his desk one of those long nights and Hawkeye had to all but beat him to wake him up. Luckily, he woke up just before an officer from Central Command had arrived with urgent news. She was always looking after him, even when he found her annoying. Hawkeye had once yelled at him for risking his life for her. (Book 10, Chapter 38: Signal to Strike) He supposed that that was a very reckless move anyway...

Mustang let his mind wander a bit. He began to think of when he first saw Hawkeye and wondered when he started to like her... To love her... At one point, Mustang must have dozed off, because the next thing he knew, he was being awakened.

"No... No... Not not... We have to go to work..." Mustang heard himself mumble. His face was covered with what he could only hope was drool. As Mustang woke up more, he remembered vaugely that Hawkeye did not kiss with her entire tounge, nor did she slobber all over his face. So who--?

"Gah!" Mustang bolted upright as Black Hayate let out a yelp of surprise and neearly hit the ceiling. The dog had been standing over him, drowning Mustang is spit. It was at this time that Hawkeye emerged from her room. She glances at Mustang's drool-soaked face and then at Black Hayate cowering in shock in the corner before stating, "I don't even want to know," and wwalking into the bathroom to get Mustang a damp towel to clean his face.

After a successful face-cleaning, with a towel and not a tounge this time, Mustang stood up and looked at Hawkeye, who only looked back, waiting for some sort of order. Her mind had already gone back to work. Mustang's, on the other hand, had not.

"Just one more time," He said quickly before walking over to Hawkeye, He planted his lips on hers and his hands on her lower back, pulling her close. At first, Hawkeye was in too much shock to respond, so Mustang pulled her closer and kissed her harder. Hawkeye relaxed into him enough to bring her hands up his sides to his chest before placing a hand on Mustang's cheek and really kissing him back. Mustang's tounge begged for entrance into Hawkeye's mouth, but she hesitated to let him in. Mustang's breathing, while still quiet, became slilghtly eneven as he pressed harder and begged more. Hawkeye still wasn't sure she could pull her mind that for from work again, but she didn't want to stop now. She slowly moved her hand from Mustang's cheek, through his hair, and to the back of his head. Mustang took a step forward, causing Hawkeye to take one back. Mustang moved forward again and Hawkeye moved back. Hawkeye felt herself pressed against the wall and moved her hand from Mustang's chest to his shoulder as their torsos collided. Mustang's tounge continued to beg as he let out a cross between a pleading groan and a passionate moan. Hawkeye braced herself as she caved and granted Mustang what he wanted. As they explored each-other's mouths and their tounges danced, Mustang and Hawkeye last themselves. Neither could tell who was where or doing what at that point, and as for time, it didn't exist. That is, until, the phone rang.

Hawkeye forced herself back to reality and pulled back so her lips were barely far enough away to speak. She breathlessly began, "I should--"

"No," Mustang inturrupted, "What's one day off?"

* * *

Okay, so, on wide-rule binder paper, the make-out scene too up about a page and three-quarters... Whoops... Eheh, I guess I got a bit carried away, but you know I couldn't right a T-rated love story without a detailed make-out scene, come on! But you know this won't end well... At least I finally got this chapter up! Yay! Break open the champagne! 


	5. Hooky, Boobs, and Card Games

Is it just me, or are these chapters getting shorter and shorter? Well I found out what I did wrong with the last chapter. I copied and pasted the finished chapter into this document and now I have to re-write this entire chapter too! Ugh, shoot me. Please...

If you're wondering when in the story of Fullmetal Alchemist, this all takes place, I'm gonna say it's before Lieutenant Colonel Meas Hughes dies. ('Cause if it was after, Second Lieutenant Marie Ross wouldn't be here...)

And we now shift our focus back to our starting characters...

* * *

**Chapter Five: Hooky, Boobs, and Card Games  
(Sub-Titled: "It's _Still_ A Man's World")**

Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, and Second Lieutenants Heymans Breda and Jean Havoc were, yet again, lounging around and avoiding work. Havoc was slumped in his chair with his head tilted back, twirling his cigarette with his teel.

"Man, I'm bored," He complained, "Nothing good ever happens around here."

"That's not entirely true," Fruery countered, "There was a breakthrough in the Scar case just this morning. Not to mention, we had to--"

"Bo-ring!" Breda inturrupted, "The only thing good was Havoc showing up late and somehow sneaking past Mustang." Havoc had not yet told them of his visit to Mustang's appartment that morning.

"Yeah... Guys..." Havoc began. He was inturrupted though when Sergeant Denny Brosh entered the room. He greeted the group, sat down, and pulled out a deck of card.

"Anyone up for a game?" Brosh offered. Falman, Fuery, Havoc, and Breda recoiled in fear.

"Mustang'll kill us if he sees those!" Falman panicked, grabbing the cards and throwing them in the trash. He began pulling papers out of the copy machine and stuffing them in the garbage can to better hide the evidence. Breda rushed to help him while Fuery and Havoc nervously guarded the door.

Brosh laughed, "Don't worry, guy, the Colonel's not here." Falman and Breda stopped mid-trash-stuff as Fuery and Havoc chorused, "HUH!?"

"Yup, the Colonel and Lieutenant have apparently both gone AWOL," Brosh said.

"Havoc, I thought you usually drove Mustang to work?" Falman asked, "You didn't forget him did you?"

"Eh, heh. Not exactly," Havoc began, "See..." He recalled that morning's adventure to an audience of dropped jaws.

"Hey..." Breda leered at Havoc when he was done, "Weren't you _just_ complaining that 'nothing good ever happens around here'?"

Havoc tapped his fingers together, "Well, I was _trying_ to forget. The whole experience was traumatic, I might be scarred for life!" The way he said the words with such drama, everyone knew he was kidding, but they couldn't tell just _how much_ of the statement was sarcasm. After all, the were all sure they couldn't think of their Colonel and Lieutenant the same way again.

"Let's be sure we have this straight," Falman began, "Lieutenant Hawkeye was at Colonel Mustang's appartmen..."

"In the morning..." Brosh continued..."

"Coming out of his room..." Breda joined in.

"Wearing a ripped dress and the Colonel's jacket..?" Fuery finished.

Havoc nodded, "Not to mention on the day after Edward claimed to have seen them having Valentines Day dinner together."

"And today they're missing," Falman added. There was silence in the room for a moment and Havoc lit another cigarette, putting out the old one and tossing it in the garbage.

"You know what we should do..?" Havoc began.

"NO!" The other four men jumped up.

"You're gonna start another mess!" Fuery pointed out.

"Have you forgotten Mustang's _already_ out to get us!?" Falman reminded him.

"Yeah, but he's not here, so..." Havoc tried again.

"NO!" He was shot down again.

"So... Let's play cards!" Havoc finished. The other four men sighed and sat down.

"For a second there, I thought you were gonna suggest going to the Colonel and Lieutenant's houses to try and spy on them," Breda laughed.

"Well, my plan was just to go through the papers in Mustang's office," Havoc admitted, "But I like your plan better! Let's--"

"NO!" Shot down one more time.

"Okay, okay, sheesh..." Havoc said, "Let's play cards then." He stood up and walked to the trash can, only to discover that the contents of it had caught fire due to his cigarette, which he had apparently not put out all the way. "FIRE!" He yelled, running to the other side of the room for the fire extinguisher.

"Huh?" Falman, Fuery, Breda, and Brosh all stood up to see the fire. Havoc successfully extinguished the fire, but when he dug through the remains for the cards, he found that they were indeed burnt and useless.

"Aww, man," Brosh complained.

"Oh well, so much for that," Fuery said.

"Yeah, way to go, Havoc," Breda sulked, "Now we've got nothing to do again."

"Hey!" Havoc said, "I'm not the one that put them in there!"

"Falman's the one who put them in there!" Breda pointed at Falman.

Falman pointed at Brosh, "He brough them in here without telling us it was okay and sending me into a panic!"

"I know how we could solve this!" Brosh offered, "With a card game!" He pulled out another deck of cards and began shuffling.

"Sergeant Brosh..." Falman began calmly.

"Why didn't you tell us you had another deck!?" Havoc exploded, "They were mean to me!" Ha pretended to cry. (Why am _I_ being so mean to Havoc? No ide. He's just fun to mess with...)

Once everyone had settled down, the five men started a game of poker that stretched into the long hours of the night. (And, sorry ladies, it's wasn't strip poker.)

"Hey, guys..." Fuery finally said, "What time is it..?" The other four men shrugged.

"Around either maybe?" Brosh offered.

Fuery looked at the clock, "Uhh... More like one... In the morning..."

"Woah!" Brosh put down his hand of cards.

"And I had a date tonight!" Havoc sobbed, crushing the cards in his hand as tears streamed down his face.

"There, there, Havoc," Breda tried to comfort him, "I'm sure you'll get another date..."

"Nooo!!" Havoc cried, "She was smart, funny, beautiful... And, best of all, she had huge boobs!" He sobbed again and put his head down on the table.

Falman sighed, "You're a sucker for big boobs, aren't you?" Havoc let out a cross between a sniffle and a hiccup/sob in reply.

"It's okay," Breda said, "There are plenty of boobs in the world..." (Don't you just _love_ this conversation? I have no idea where this is going...)

Havoc sniffle-sob/hiccuped again and lifted his head, "You really think so, Breda?"

"Of course!" Breda continued, "Just look at..." He tried to think of an attractive woman whose name he could say _without_ getting killed. He didn't have a death wish, so Breda decided to change the subject, "That reminds me. Sergeant Brosh, did you get to go out with Lieutenant Ross yesterday?"

Brosh tapped his fingers on the table and glared at Breda, "Why does a conversation about breasts remind you of Lieutenant Ross..?" (Note: As far as I know, Sergeant Denny Brosh and Second Lieutenant Maria Ross are _not_ really dating in the manga of anime, but in book 10, Chapter 41: On the Palm of an Arrogant Human Being, the author kinda hints that they like each-other, so I'm just running with it.)

"WHAT!?" Second Lieutenant Maria Ross had been passing by the room at the time and overheard Brosh's question, "Who said what about my what, now!?"

"Err-- I-- Uhh..." Breda and Brosh both stumbled over their words, not knowing who Ross had heard.

"Well!?" Ross began to grow impatient.

"Uhh..." Breda began.

"Umm..." Brosh agreed.

"It was Havoc's fault!" The both shouted, jumping up and pointing at Havoc.

"You were the one who started the boob-talk!" Breda accused.

"Huh!?" Havoc, thinking he was out of the spotlight, had zoned out a bit. "I didn't do it!" He automatically defended himself, "Wait... What didn't I do..?"

"You made Breda think impure thoughts about Lieutenant Ross!" Brosh said.

"What!?" Ross looked at Breda.

"Noo!" Breda panicked, "Brosh was the one who brough in the cards that distracted us and made Havoc late for his date and think about boobs!"

"Huh?" Ross was really confused now.

"But Lieutenant Hawkeye's the one who didn't show up to baby-sit us!" Brosh shirted the blame again.

"Yeah!" Havoc agreed, "And it's probably Mustang's fault she's not here!"

"Yeah!" Breda and Brosh agreed.

"So..." Ross was completely lost, "It's Colonel Mustang's fault that Lieutenant Breda had impure thoughts about me..?"

"I didn't!" Breda protested.

"Shut up, Breda" Brosh nudged him, "That's right! This is all Mustang's fault!" He grinned.

Ross gave them a cross between a confused look and a you-guys-are-stupid looks before rolling her eyes, muttering something about men's stupidity, and leaving the room.

Havoc, Brosh, and Breda all brethed a sigh of relief.

"Wait..." Breda paused for a moment, "One, two, three..." He counted the people in the room, "Where'd Fuery and Falman go?" It seemed Fuery and Falman had snuck out in all the confusion.

Havoc shrugged, "Probably home. It's like." He looked at the clock. 1:30.

* * *

And they all lived happily every after! (Okay, not really.) I seriously have _no _idea where this story's going. And sorry again about the confusion with Chapter 4, but that's why I'm posting this on the same day. Two chapters for the price of one!


	6. Paperwork and More MiniSkirts

Eh, I don't know what to put for the author's note this time, there's nothing new... Here's the next chapter...

* * *

**Chapter Six: Paperwork and More Mini-Skirts  
****(Sub-Titled: "It's a **_**Working**_** Man's World")**

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc arrived at Colonel roy Mustang's apartment late in the evening a few days later. The Colonel had, yet again, skipped work, and Havoc had been elected to go check on him. Havoc knocked on the apartment door. There was no answer.

Havoc knocked again, "Sir?" There was still no answer. He tried the doorknob. It was locked, "Colonel Mustang!?" Havoc pounded on the door. Maybe he was sleeping. Havoc tried to look in a couple windows, but the curtains were closeed as usual. Mustang was almost always at work and almost never at home. Therefore, he liked to keep his apartment closed up. Havoc tried the doorknob again. Definitely locked. He went back to his car to see if he had a spare key to Roy's apartment. He failed to notice another car pulling up to the complex. Havoc breifly thought he heard laughter, but shook it off and continued serching through the car.

Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye got out of the car and failed to notice Havoc's car, just as he had failed to notice them. Mustang led Hawkeye to the door and oppened it, leaving it unlocked behind him.

Havoc sat up in his car and looked around as he heard Mustang's door close. He spotted Mustang's car and saw a light turn on in Mustang's window. Havoc got out of his car and knocked on Mustang's door again. This time there was shuffling behind the door and the knob turned.

"Secong Lieutenant Havoc?" Mustang stood in his doorway, wearing what Havoc could only assume was the same uniform from days before.

"C-- Colonel Mustang!" Havoc studdered. He realized he hadn't entirely thought this through, "You've missed work the past couple days, some of the guys are getting worried."

"Well, I'm fine, so stop 'worrying' and go back to work, Havoc," Mustang said, closing the door.

"Wait!" Havoc stuck his foot in the door to stop it from closing, "Why haven't you been at work?"

"I've been busy," Mustang said, opening the door again, "Why do you ask..?"

"There were a couple of situations down at the office," Havoc said, "Breakthroughs in cases, missing files, security breaches, the works."

"How come nobody called me!?" Mustang grabbed his jacket and called to Hawkeye, "Let's go, Lieeutenant!"

"Lieu-- What!?" Havoc was startled as Mustang and Hawkeye blew past him and out the door. They piled into the car and Mustang ordered Havoc to get in. "We _tried_ to call you, Sir," Havoc explained as they sped down the road, "We tried both your houses, no one picked up." Mustang and Hawkeye exchanged glances.

"We've been busy," Mustang repeated.

"If you say so," Havoc said, "I'm just glad you two are coming back. Things have been a mess and nothing's getting done without Lieutenant Hawkeye to baby-sit us." hawkeye was not amused and remained silent.

"You're grown men, you shouldn't need a baby-sitter," Mustang said as they pulled up to the office, "Now, what have I missed?" Mustang, Havoc, and Hawkeye got out of the car and walked inside. Havoc attempted to fill Mustang in, but the Colonel was immediately stormed by questions.

"Where have you been!?"  
"We need that paperwork, Sir!"  
"Where is that form!?"

Mustang and Hawkeye were taken aback as Havoc tried to fight everyong off. Once they were gone, he tried to explain again.

"It's been like that since you two dissappeared," He said, "There was another Scar sighting, someone broke into the Criminal Records room, and now we can't find any records on Zolf J. Kimbly."

"The Crimson Alchemist?" Mustang asked.

:I wonder who would want records on him?" Hawkeye pondered, "He's just a military has-been gone criminal. Certainly wouldn't be the first."

"I'll get someone on that. What've we got on Scar?" Mustang said.

"He was sighted near South Headquarters," Havoc explained.

"Any casualties?" Mustang opened the door to his office and stared at the piles of paperwork on his desk, "Great..."

"No casualties, Sir," Havoc reported, "Scar was reported to be seen entering the city around midnight last night."

"But no casualties?" hawkeye clarified, "Well, that certainly is odd. Are we sure it was really him?"

"How well light was the area?" Mustang asked.

"I'm not sure on the details," Havoc confessed, "I told you, it's been hecktic around here. The report described a dark-skinned man with an intricate tatoo on his right arm."

"We don't have any other leads?" Mustang was barely half-listening as he looked over paperwork.

"None that I know of, Sir," Havoc said, "Previous reports a few weeks ago said he was in the West. It seems resonable that he could be in the South now."

"Hmm..." Mustang said, still looking over papers, "It's our only lead, we have no choice but to follow it. Havoc! See if you ocan find out anything else on this."

"Yes, Sir," Havoc saluted the Colonel and turned to leave, closing the door behind him. Mustang continued to read through the piles of paper as Hawkeye stood by, awaiting orders. She suddenly noticed Mustang had stopped turning the pages of the report he was reading.

"Sir?" Hawkeye became somewhat alarmed, fearing the Colonel has read some disturbing news. She looked over his shoulder at the report. Updates on the town of Liore. Disturbing, yes, but no more than usual. She tried to get Mustang's attention again, "Sir?" He didn't respond. Hawkeye leaned over and tried to look Mustang in the eye. She laughed. He had fallen asleep. Standing up again, Hawkeye shook Mustang's shoulder, "Sir?"

Mustang awoke with a start, "What is it?"

Hawkeye laughed again, "You fell asleep, Sir."

"Man..." Mustang rubbed his eye, "No more all-nighters for me." He and Riza shared a laugh before falling into silence again.

After a few minutes, Roy broke the silence, "Lieutenant Hawkeye? Come here a minute." He pushed his chair away from the desk a bit.

"Yes, Sir," Riza moved closer and looked down at the desk, thinking Roy wanted her to read something. She assumed she was wrong though, as he grabbed her around the waist, pulled her into his lap, and kissed her.

"S-- Sir!" Riza exclaimed, shocked and somewhat breathless, "We-- We're at work!"

"No one's here," Roy said, holding Riza closer and resting his head on her chest.

Riza couldn't decide what to do. On the one hand, the thrill of sneaking around at work like this was amazing, but on the other hand... Riza imagined a subordinate such as Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda walking through the door at a time like this. Riza looked down at Roy, who seemed to be falling asleep again, and thought of the possible consequences of this. She was sure this would cost them their jobs if one of their superiors walked in, and with everything going on, it was very likely that several high-ranked personalle were around somewhere. And if one of their subordinates walked in, well... Riza could already hear their laughter. There goes any respecy or dignity they had left. But... She shifted her attention back to Roy, who had definitely fallen asleep again. She kissed him on the top of his head and reminded herself why they couldn't be like this at work before freeing herself from the Colonel's arms, standing up, and waking him once again, "We have a lot of work to do, Sir."

"Aww, you're no fun, Lieutenant." Mustang said with a yawn, resting his head on his fist and attempting to focus on the report he was reading.

"I thought you said grown men didn't need baby-sitters, Sir," Hawkeye pointed out.

"Well..." Mustang searched for an excuse, "I'm hardly 30!" He pretended to pout, "Everyone else always makes it a point to complain about how young I am!"

Hawkeye couldn't help but laugh, "30-year-olds don't need baby-sitters either, Sir. I'm going to check out the criminal records room." She headed for the door, "If you behave yourself, maybe I'll bring you back a cookie. If not, it's more paperwork for you."

"Now, when you say 'cookie', you mean..?" Mustang asked.

Hawkeye stopped before opening the door, "I mean a _cookie_, an actual cookie. Honestly, I don't know why I even bother..." She muttered all the way out the door.

"Aww," Mustang complained to the empty office, "At least it's better than more paperwork..." Over the next couple hours or so, subordinates and superiors alike rushed to Mustang's office asking for papers, delivering forms, and informing him of events that passed during his absence. Meanwhile, all Mustang could think was, _'Where's Riza?'_ His heart lept every time someone knocked on his office door, only to come crashing down again at the sight of someone who was not Hawkeye. After a while, though, Mustang was so swamped that he didn't have time to think about _anything_, let alone Lieutenant Hawkeye. He quickly figured out a system for filling out paperwork based on who dropped off a form and when they said they'd be back for it. For example, if Warrant Officer Vato Falman dropped something off and said he needed it back in an hour, he really meant he'd come back for it in thirty minutes, but if Second Lieutenant Breda said he needed a form in two hours, it really meant he'd check to see if Mustang was done in about a week or so. Using this system, Mustang could tell who was coming for what the second they knocked on the door. He didn't even have time to look up from his desk unless he was to stand to salute a superior. Several hours after perfecting this system, things seemed to quiet down. Mustang started to look over papers he knew no one would come for for day, but he couldn't stop his mind from wandering once things had settled. The words on every page Mustang looked over seemed to melt together to form the words "Riza Hawkeye". Mustang put his head down on his desk. He had it and had it bad. She was all he could think about and she had only been gone... Wait, how long _had_ she been gone? Mustang looked at the clock and tried to remember when they had arrived. Everything was so crazy there for a while. He remembered looking at the clock around ten when Second Lieutenant Maria Ross had dropped off a report on the upcoming State Alchemist Exam, and he remembered seeing Havoc when he brough information on the Scar case before that. How many hours had gone by? It was nearly one in the morning by now. Mustang's thoughts were inturrupted by a knock on his door. He quickly searched through papers, looking for some forgotten form for whoever it was opening the door now.

"Sprry, Sir, the Criminal Recordds room wsa a mess," Hawkeye shut the door behind her.

Mustang looked up and sighed. "No more paperwork?" He asked.

"No, Sir," Hawkeye reported, walking over and standing next to the Colonel's desk, "At least none that I know of."

"Hmm... Then where's my cookie?" Mustang demanded.

"Cookie..?" Hawkeye had obviously forgotten about the cookie.

"You promised me a cookie if I behaved myself!" Mustang smiled.

"Oh!" Riza remembered, "_That_ cookie!" She aproached Roy, "Sorry, Sir, I forgot. You'll have to settle for this." Riza picked up Roy's hand and pulled him to his feet before wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

"Now that's sweeter than any cookie," Roy said, placing his hands on Riza's waist, "But what happened to 'being at work', Lieutenant?"

"See, that's the downside of you remembering everything I say," Riza told him, "Besides, everyone went home. Why else would things be so quiet?"

"I see... So is it really just us here?" Roy asked, kissing Riza lightly on the lips.

"Well, us, a few guards, communications advisors, MPs searching the criminal records room, and a few subordinates filing papers," Riza admitted, "But everone else is gone!"

Roy sighed and kissed Riza again, "I suppose if _everyone_ was gone, I'd be worried."

"You're right, Sire," Hawkeye agreed.

"If nobody's here, why are you still calling me, 'Sir'?" Mustang asked.

"As I've told you before, old habits die hard," Riza said, "I've been calling you 'Sir' for years now, ever since we met."

"Hmm..." Roy had all but forgotten the conversation. He brushed a strand of hair out of Riza's face, "You're so beautiful..."

Riza tucked the stray hair behind her ear and relized how worn-out she must have looked. After all, she had just spent the last five hours helping the MPs in the Criminal Records room. Riza smiled, Roy probably would have told her she was beautiful if she was dressed as a hobo and covered in mud. Not that she was going to test that theory.

"Now how did I miss that?" Roy asked. Riza must have been deep in thought because it was then that she realized Roy's lips were at her ear and he was whispering to her.

"Miss what?" Riza managed to breathe.

Roy smiled, "Mini-skirt."

* * *

And then he pounced on her with no mercy! Ha ha, kidding, kidding! I think I admitted before that I have no idea where I'm going with all this? Just be glad you got another chapter out of me. At least now I've got some ideas for upcoming chapter, but I'm not sure how I'm going to maintain the love story element of it all. Ah well, we shall see! Also I need to know. Would you rather hear about Scar, who broke into the Criminal Records room, or the State Alchemy Exams? Let me know! Even if all you send to me is the word "Scar", I'll know what you mean, haha. But I don't know if I'll really be able to fully write about them all, so I want the reader's oppinion!


	7. Revenge, Punishment, and Seduction

Okay, most people said they wanted to hear about the State Alchemy Exams, but I have _no_ material on that whatsoever. I was surprised no one wanted to know who broke into the criminal records room, but okay. Of course the answers will all be revealed, just not explored fully. Anyway, I'm going to _try_ to go back to my original format of story-telling, but I doubt I can do that. That is, it's a RoyxRiza love story, but I wanted to tell it from the subordinate's point of view. Obviously I couldn't, but I'll try... Yet again...

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Revenge, Punishment, and Seduction  
****(Sub-Titled: "It's a Working **_**Woman's**_** World")**

Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc arrived late for work _again_ the next day. The past couple of weeks had thrown off his sleeping schedule like nobody's business. When he arrived, the office was already overflowing with activity. The Criminal Records Room was still being searched for evidence, and now, of course, everyone and their sister had seen Colonel Roy Mustang and Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye together. It's not like they were all over each other, they were too professional for that, and they weren't spending any more time together than usual, they were almost always together anyway. It was the subtle things people noticed most. The little things that people enrolled in the military usually couldn't get away with. Hawkeye would walk next to Mustang instead of behind him, would accidentally call him "Roy", or wouldn't add the word "sir" to the end of every other sentence.

"You're late," Mustang told Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc when he caught him trying to sneak past his office door. Mustang has been keeping the door open due to the constant flow of military personnel through it. Not to mention the occasional glance of his favorite Lieutenant.

"Y-- Yes, Sir. I know, Sir," Havoc stuttered,, "Y'see--"

Mustang held up his hand to silence him, "Come here, Havoc"

Havoc gulped and entered Mustang's office, "Yes, Sir?"

"You've caused quite a bit of trouble around here lately," Mustang began, "This is supposed to be a professional working environment, not a source of entertainment for you. What we do here affects this entire country. If you think this job is a joke Havoc, maybe you'd be best suited elsewhere."

Havoc had half a mind to rat out everyone else involved in the so-called "trouble", but decided this was as good a time as any to prove he was a professional. "Yes, Sir," He said, "I understand."

"Good," Mustang said, standing up. He walked over to Havoc and handed him a sheet of paper, "Consider this a warning."

A few minutes later, Havoc had gathered with Warrant Officer Vato Falman, Master Sergeant Kain Fuery, and Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda.

"Grounds clean-up!?" Breda burst, "Man, that's harsh! Thanks for takin' the heat for us, Havoc!" He patted his partner-in-trouble on the back.

Havoc groaned, "Well, this sucks. Just wait, he's coming for you guys too. Just one hair out of line and BAM!" He slammed his fist on the table, "You're in for it."

"He's probably right," Fuery agreed.

"He _is_ right," Hawkeye suddenly appeared in the door.

"That's right I am!" Havoc triumphed before even knowing who had backed him up. "Wait..." He suddenly realized, "Says who?" He turned around and nearly fell out of his chair.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Fuery, Falman, and Breda stood and saluted the Lieutenant, shortly followed by Havoc who took a moment to recover from his shock.

"Don't you have cleaning to get to?" Hawkeye asked Havoc.

"Yes, Ma'am!" Havoc saluted Hawkeye again and ran out the door. The three men left in the room gulped.

"Calm down," Hawkeye told them, "I'm just here to give you my warning before the Colonel gives you his." She stepped further into the room and turned to Fuery. "You're not in any trouble, Kain," She told him, "I was sure to get my facts straight before deciding on a course of action."

Fuery sighed, " Thank you Ma'am, but I was somewhat involved in-"

Hawkeye held up her hand to silence him, "It's alright. Colonel Mustang has some paperwork for you to deliver in his office. You can go now."

"Yes, Ma'am," Fuery saluted Hawkeye again and left the room, walking down the hall toward Mustang's office.

"As for you two..." Hawkeye turned to the remaining two men, who gulped again. "You can be sure you two will be worked to the bone until we find out who broke into the Criminal Records room," Hawkeye warned, "One complaint, a second of slacking, and you can be sure the Colonel will not be as understanding as I have been. So I suggest you go find something useful to do." Breda and Falman tripped over everything possible in their mad dash for the door. Felling satisfied with her threats, Hawkeye smiled to herself and decided it was about time to return to Roy's office, but first she knew she had to tease him a bit.

First Riza walked past Roy's office on her way to the Criminal Records Room, then again to make sure Havoc was doing what he was told, and again on her way to the bathroom where the mirror kindly reminded her that she hadn't changed or showered since early in the morning the day before. "Eww," She commented to herself while trying to figure our how to fashion her hair so it wouldn't look so greasy. She vaguely heard the door open.

"Good afternoon, Lieutenant Hawkeye!" Sheska entered the room and bowed slightly in respect. (Note: Sheska has no last name. Not my fault. Deal with it.)

"Sheska," Riza smiled, "How have you been?"

"Just keeping busy," Sheska walked over to the sink and began washing her hands, "With the recent break-in, they've basically got me on-call in case they find another record missing."

"Can you really remember all those records?" Riza asked.

"Yup! Sure can!" Sheska nodded and smiled proudly.

"That's pretty amazing," Riza commented somewhat absentmindedly, while forcing another attempt at fixing her hair. She sighed, "Ugh, I'll just find a hat..."

"Not that's it's any of my business, Ma'am," Sheska began, "But are you and the Colonel..."

Riza sighed again, "Yes..."

"You don't sound to excited about it," Sheska noticed.

""I'm happy to have a relationship with the colonel outside of work. It's just..." Riza paused for a moment, but she decided she could trust Sheska, "It's heavily impacting work and with everything going on recently, I'm sure we could do without the gossip."

Sheska nodded, "But things should quiet down a bit soon and if you say anything to Colonel Mustang now, it could start more rumors." Riza said nothing but looked at herself in the mirror. Thinking she did something wrong, Sheska quickly added, "I'm sorry! It's not my place to say..."

"No..." Riza stopped her, "You're right. It would only cause more of an uproar, and after thing settle down, it shouldn't be mush of a problem." She turned to look at Sheska again, "We can work through this. Thanks."

"Oh, no!" Sheska immediately said, "Don't thank me! I hardly said anything!"

Riza smiled softly, "You said enough. Thanks for listening." She headed toward the door. "Oh, and one more thing," Riza stopped without turning around, "Would you mind keeping this between us? I don't want any more trouble."

"Y-- Yes Ma'am!" Sheska bowed again as Riza walked out into the hall.

'Now to find a hat...' Riza thought, 'If I were a hat, where would I be..?' She laughed to herself, 'Of course I'd be...' The idea suddenly struck her and Riza changed directions, heading toward Mustang's office. She was surprised to find his door closed. Riza knocked, but there was no answer, so she opened the door. Roy was slouching in his chair with his hat sitting lightly on his head, covering his eyes. Smiling as she closed the and approached Roy, Riza noticed he was sleeping. She lightly took Roy's hat off of his head and put it on her own and kissed him on the forehead.

Roy slowly rejoined the world of the awake as Riza stroked his cheek and ran her hand across his shoulders. He pretended to stay asleep as Riza hugged him from behind and kissed him on the cheek. At this point, Roy could tell Riza knew he was awake, but he refused to open his eyes and she brushed her cheek against his and kissed his neck. "Alright, what do you want?" Roy finally said, opening his eyes.

Riza laughed as she let go of Roy and stood up, "So you are awake."

Roy rubbed his eyes, "Of course I'm awake. Only an idiot would sleep through that."

"Do you think..." Riza began, taking a seat in Roy's lap, "That I could have a couple hours to go home so I could shower and change?"

"Not why would you want to do that?" Roy asked, wrapping his arms around Riza's waist.

"Because I look disgusting and probably smell like a gym sock?" Riza offered.

Roy looked shocked, "You do not!"

Riza laughed again, "Yes, I do. Can I go home?" She pressed her forehead against Roy's and pouted, "Please..?"

"You and that hat..." Roy shook his head and sighed, "Hurry back." He kissed Riza lightly on the lips, "Try not to make me miss you too much."

Riza smiled, "Of course, Sir."

Before either of them could move though, the door swung open and Lieutenant Colonel Hughes burst in, "Yo!" (He's alive:O) Mustang and Hawkeye turned insanely red as they both tried to stand up at the same time, but ended up falling back into the chair.

"So that's how you get promoted around here?" Hughes raised an eyebrow before shrugging and shaking his head, "Whatever. Onto business."

Hawkeye and Mustang managed to untangle themselves from each other and stand up. Hawkeye adjusted her jacket and skirt before clearing her throat, saying, "I'll be going now, Sir," and walking out the door.

Hughes leaned over the desk and whispered to Mustang, "So what's going on between you and the Lieutenant?"

Mustang sighed, obviously not amused, "Do you have a reason for being here other than to delve into my personal life like the rest of the office?"

"As a matter of fact, I do!" Hughes said, reaching into his breast pocket.

"Hughes, if the next words out of your mouth are 'Look at my daughter,' I may be forced to shoot you," Mustang warned.

Hughes cleared his throat and pushed something back into his pocket, "Ahem, right... In that case, I have news from Central..."

* * *

And I'll end it there. SORRY this took so long to update! Anyway. He's alive! Yay! If he wasn't alive, Second Lieutenant Maria Ross would be off in hiding by now, and I kinda need her in the story. Besides, I wanna write about Hughes! Although now I have the feeling I'll pick on him. Well, I gotta give Havoc a break sometime! And I really meant to write this in, but the "subtle things" that gave Mustang and Hawkeye away were things like she would walk next to him instead of a few steps behind, or she'd forget to add "Sir" to the end of every other sentence. Stuff like that. I'm tired, okay? It's 3:15 in the morning :) 


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